fear

After losing a child, you always hear things like "thank goodness you have your other children."  While our remaining children do not replace the one we have lost, it is a constant comfort to still have the opportunity to hug them and see them.  I was following Carter last night in L & M and it caught me by surprise how he walks just like Tyler.. he is starting to get a little more grown up appearance and reminds me so much of his big brother.

The months following Tyler's death I lived with a lot of fear... fear of death basically.  This did seem to ease up and I don't find myself worrying about my other children dying every second. You start to think this would not happen to us twice, it wouldn't be fair.

Yesterday we heard of Myrel Schermerhorn's passing.  We know this family as their older son Jake was a good friend of Tyler.  Myrel had a car accident about a month ago and just couldn't hang on any longer.  This family also lost a daughter years ago.  This whole situation has really brought back of course our own feelings of loss, but right along with it the absolute realization that in fact death does not play fair.  No one is spared tragedy just because you have experienced it before.  It is hard not to let that fear grip me thinking it is not a granted fact my remaining children will grow old, have children, and live long full lives.  We aren't given a pardon just because we have already lost one child.

Fortunately most people don't have to deal with a child's death and situations like this give you a momentary feeling of "i'm so glad its not me."  That might linger for a while and then life gets back to normal. For those of us in this horrible club, that fear lingers just beneath the surface I would assume for the rest of our lives. It's not something that just goes away.  I honestly don't know if I would be capable of going through this again and my heart breaks and breaks and breaks for this family.

So as our small town is in mourning once again, I would ask that anybody following this blog please pray for Myrel Schermerhorn's family, that they would find some peace in their sorrow and find the strength to once again travel this rocky path of loss.

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/myrelschermerhorn