Today's the day. A year of learning to live after death. I'm not sure I have really learned anything, but the grief I feel isn't the breathtaking, debilitating, like someone stuck a knife in my stomach and my guts are hanging out for everyone to see feeling it was a year ago. Sound like a gruesome description? Well it doesn't really come close to how it really felt one year ago today. If you would have asked me that day if I would be a functioning individual who enjoys her life I would have told you "hell no." Fortunately or unfortunately life goes on without those we lose whether we like it or not. So here I am a year later. Grief right now is more like a bone deep arthritis ache that flares up when it rains in my heart. I won't tell you that still doesn't happen daily, but I will tell you when it does I am better able to ride it out knowing that the sun does shine again. Many lifetimes ago in one of my blogs on caring bridge I spoke about finding "rainbows in the rain." I had forgotten about that until recently I was reading through my blog entries for the first time. It made me think of the car show this summer when we had more than one rainbow show up on the horizon and everyone was commenting on the significance of that. We have had so many rainbows in this rainfall of our lives.  I am sad today. I am heartbroken. I miss my boy. I miss what our lives should have been. But... I am still looking for rainbows and in this way I am healing.